I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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