I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
