making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have aggressive nipples.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
