Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
