proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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