no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
