last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
