she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize