I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
