Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
