Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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