now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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