WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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