I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
