He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
