I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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