I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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