dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
