You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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