I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize