Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
