dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
