I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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