There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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