Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
