Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
