she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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