so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize