this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
