After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
