THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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