what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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