he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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