I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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