i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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