Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
