Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
