So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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