hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
