Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
