been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
