While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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