Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
