Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
