So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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