She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
