He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
