Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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