you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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