They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize