he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
