I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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