So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
