At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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