So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
