My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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