if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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