i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
