you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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