At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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