I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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