Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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