This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
