I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
