Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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