I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
