I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
