Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
