I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
