my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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