i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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