I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
last night I used snow as a chaser
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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