He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
