I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
