Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
