I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
