Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
