every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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