my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
