i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
