the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The air was thick with penises
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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