After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
