I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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