Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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