11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
