just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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