I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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