Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
