God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
