if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
