Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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