i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found your dick twin last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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